Dedendum.

I have a confession to make.

Yes, I just resigned.

Yes, I just bald myself to symbolize myself a new man right now.

Yes, I just stopped smoking for a week now and hopefully can detox myself out of it and live a healthy life (Amen to that O_O).

And above all, all that it matters is that I said it outright and loud that I just had enough.

Enough with the bitching. Enough with the hypocrisy. Enough about being angry about anything. Enough thinking about things that doesn't really make sense (especially the LOVE part).

All that I had in mind right now is that I want to focus with the things that matters.

Things that make a difference.

Work with someone that make a difference.

Read books and articles that inspire me to make a difference.

Work it out. Walk the talk. Fix that shit. Think big.



And I just realized that after I've filtered out the noise, things that I want to do and achieve, is becoming so vivid right now, with clarity; plans laid out bare in front of me just waiting for me to grab it.

And I know I'd be a fool not to grab it. And I know I'll be damned for eternity and trapped in that rat-race forever if I don't want to step ahead. And I know I'll be living in an irate environment all my life if I didn't take this chance of a lifetime.

And I know my future, in this reality and this shitty world some 7 billion souls called home, will be abound with risk.

Everyone is squeezing to have a say. Everyone is fighting tooth and nails to be at the top.

Bulls and bear make profits. Pigs get slaughtered. And I'm sure as hell don't want to be the pig.




Thus, with the realization in hand and the conducive environment in sight, I shall make the change.

I'm blessed with comrades that have the same concerns. I'm blessed that I'm surrounded with people that are spearheading the change in our country. I'm lucky to work in their ranks and I can't express how grateful I am. Last, and yeah, at this moment of my writing, I still can't believe that I'm living my dreams. Liberated from the shackles of worry and enslavement. Fly.

And I'm sure that God please, please bless and protect us from the devil in our heart, malice from the outside and above all, please help us keep the torch lit up.

We need all the help that we can muster. We've readied ourselves to brace the challenge.

And we know this won't be an easy ride. Heck with so many grand plans next year I sure hope we can survive it out gracefully and proud.

And not to forget, 'With integrity.'

Amen.

p.s: I will frequently update this blog after this. I just found out that whenever I'm writing a post it is actually an indicator that I'm inspired; so if there's a time that this blog has been neglected for quite some time, well, you get the drift.

WIFLE.

I want to confess; I am, presently, in a state of a meltdown.

No I'm not gonna blame and whine about being overwhelmed with work (but indeed I am) but instead I think I have to recompose myself both physically and spiritually.

I even skip daily pray lately. Even when I did arrive home from work I can't even allocate some time conversing with my close family and asking them; are they well? Did you need me to buy some barang dapur? How are the cats? (Heck even when Weebit want to manja2 I even shooed her away... T.T)

I did notice that even my way of speaking are not literally well conversed; my speech has become so jittery and not well thought off; I've turn into a very BAD cautionary pessimist rather than me before that is more towards expressionist optimist. Somehow things has been going downhill since early this year.

Relationship broken down (yeah I am single berkuatkuasa at the very date of my birthday this year), shitty quality of work, crappy thought and the most prominent I think is I gain a lot of weight and losing my health bit by bit.

Yes. It is that bad.

What I think I need right now is that I need to allocate myself my own quality time; not a holiday per-se but rather a laid back, relax, enjoying life as it is, read books (there's a bundle of not-yet-read books on my table right now) and hopefully, unplugged myself from the so-called "procrastinator": Facebook and most evil of all–Twitter.

I need to filter myself from all these "useless" gibberish thought and concern from others as somehow those thoughts and opinions from day-to-day musing has swayed me GREATLY. Yeah I know it's their right to voice their thought but I need to protect myself from their opinion from affecting my own prejudice.

But then again, in this time and age, we can't really protect ourself by not being connected at all right? World are changing so fast and if you somehow fall out of the loop you are considered behind the times already.

There is the time that I am in a constant fear that whatever actions, speech and decisions that I've made will make them see me in a bad impression; I've become so cautious and protective with my behavior I've become so reclusive.

Emotionless. Selfish. Judgmental. Empty.

Heck I can't even recognize what's good or bad anymore.

o God. Please, help me. I feels like I'm losing my soul bit by bit and if I don't make a difference right now it might be to late.

Need some radical approach maybe.

And last but not least I want to say sorry to some certain someone that our relationship didn't work out. I always blamed you for not being independent enough, to manja sgt, to this to that bla bla bla but its actually my way of saying that I'm not in my right mind to fully committed to someone. Yet.

I need to sort out myself first and the pain of knowing people are hurting because of me somehow deepen my guilt.

Sorry. I really hope and pray to God that you find some nice guy and be happy with him till the end.




Complete.

At least for now.

Fuh.

P.S: I want to dedicate this song for you. Hope you like it. ^_^

A very interesting July.

I am kinda lazy to write nowadays so please indulge yourself with all the 'porn-candid' stuff that I've taken with my trusty old Nokia~ ;p:

 1) Melawat Bote baru lepas accident~

2) Then melantak at Big Plate Restaurant with Izhar and Mahdi~

3) iProperty Expo at KLCC. Notice the interactive touch screen (2nd picture from the top to bottom) that I personally design~ still got many flaws though.

4) No. 7 theater screening at Cheong Fatt Ze Mansion. It is my first time watching an analogue theater and seeing Margaret from Phua Chu Kang (Her real name is Tan Kheng Hua) perform up-close ;)

For more info about my coverage of the Georgetown Festival 2011 please go here.

5) Buka Panggung event. For more please go here.

6) Hanging out with my 2nd family at the new Flaming Steambot at Danau Kota.

7) Indulging myself watching an interesting showcase of graphics and projected mapping combined with a live concert at DAC Festival.

8) Having a feast at the fame Line Clear Nasi Kandar after the DAC fes~

9) My soon to be car? ;p

10) Kantoi jumaat, mkn kat Putri Cafe at Selayang~ ;p

11) Last but not least: Thinklab 6th Conference :)))

That's it for now. Adios.

Fear.

"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. - Sylvia Plath"

Self-doubt. That is the very feeling that I have to get on and kill right now.

I've read soooo much book; wiki everything that seems unbeknownst to me before and somehow these craving for more and more knowledge has become my new infinitely obsession.

The downside is as more and more 'knowledgeable' I might be AND realising that I am fast adhering to that "the-more-I-learn-the-less-I-know"philosophical cleric; somehow the feeling to write it down my reflections on what I am reading seems absurd.

There is some doubt in me that telling me again and again annoyingly that I have to make sure I have to be very certain in what I read and do before I write it down; as to not make the scribe seems like a hard-assed copy-cut-n-paste and most importantly, like Al-Ghazali once said, 

"I was convinced that a man cannot grasp what is defective in any of the Sciences unless he has so complete a grasp of the science in question that he equals its most learned exponents in the application of its fundamental principles, and even goes beyond and surpasses them, probing into some of the tangles and profundities which the very professors of the science have neglected. Then and only then is it possible that what he has to assert about its defects is true.... I realised that to refute a system before understanding it and becoming acquainted with its depths is to act blindly."

And yet as I've said BEFORE (arrogant-kind-like gesture) I want to like, ideally, correcting the way on how we interpret RELIGION, specifically Islam, and somehow I want to asking away some of the most WHY factor.

Like:

"Why is it that Muslims is divided by two warring sects? Sunni and Shia? Aren't the Quran already said that all Muslims is brothers?"

"Why is the Sunni itself has 4 madh'hab, why can't we just make it under a single banner?"

"How is it lead to the Golden Age of Islam; why can't we now at this very era of Age of Information seems can't get into that standard anymore? What went wrong?"

"The HADITH and SUNNAH; some say that Quran is the only viable source for Islam but most Muslim nowadays use hadith and sunnah as a way of condemning each other and sadly, disintegrate the very nature of ummah by saying those who have conflicted views as apostate. Let us research more on that."

"The philosophical battle of Reasoning vs Orthodoxy; Ibn Rushd vs Al-Ghazali. The effect of these two philosopher is still in affect to this day; as Ibn Rushd philosophy seems to have a widespread followers in the modern west (some did say that his very reasoning is actually the main drive of the Renaissance and Secularism) while Al-Ghazali is the one who counter the foreign Neo-platonian compatibility to Islam and some did say he is the very person who made the Muslim 'frozen in time', a frozen society some might called it because they somehow after the advent of Al-Ghazali reject all others idea as saying there are no other legitimate way of thinking, thus slightly prevent innovation and out-of-the-box-thinking. Interesting. There must be more story behind and what lead to that."

Bla bla bla there is still so much to be read and so much to reflect. I try not to be bias and emotional to one kind of opinion so I think, this might take times. Learning history has never felt this fun. And satisfying.

Trying to be reasonable, realistic, spiritual and idealistic at the same time. Hope it works.

Dull.

Planning to build up a rig to replace my current old workhorse Macbook. Below is one of the 'proposed' component needed (after thorough research and forum jumping):

Mobo - Gigabyte X58A-UD3R USB3 SATA6 CF/SLI X58 D3-S - RM799 

Processor - Core i7 960 Quad 3.20ghz 6.5 8mb - RM889* 

Memory - Corsair XMS3 1600 CL9 6GB - RM269* 

Graphic Card - Palit GTX 460 Sonic 1GB-D5 256 - RM539 

Solid State - SSD Corsair 60gb Force Series 285/275 - RM448 

Hard Disk - Samsung 1TB (7200) F3 - RM175 

Disk Drive - Liteon BluRay Combo SATA - RM310 

Power Supply - CoolerMaster GX Series 650w - RM300 

Monitor - Acer S221HQL LED 12mil 5 A+D - RM450

Casing - RM200

Total: RM4379

It is a lot I know. But compared to the price of a really new iMac or Mac Pro for example, I really did save a lot of money by say, 60%? O_o 

And my original budget is RM5k below, so even the total of the above list still didn't reach my current maximum budget so I can make other options. (will it be cheaper or take it to the max is still angel-devil whisper sort of thinking :S)

I have to build this kind of spec cuz from what I've read and watched (DIY rig vid vice versa) and combined with my intention to Hackintosh it; I think it is worth the price.

Why so high the spec you say?

Well after making this video and I am kind of sort of 'found' my Macbook limitations~ It just can't handle most of my work load: Editing my RAW photos and editing full HD footage with resource hungry Photoshop + Premiere Pro + After Effect seems to have made the "old man" falling to its knees... T_T

Serenity Part 1 - Islamic Way of Prayer from Pak9 on Vimeo.

My 2nd attempt. The result is not so 'ok' as you can see; too much noise, a bit stripy cuz maybe the heat from the body seems to affect the video OR maybe cuz I dont lower the shutter speed. Dont know which one. Maybe both. Dont know how to correct it with the software though... @_@

The original idea of this short is to become a rotoscope  reference for an upcoming animation and this is also the first part of my own independent Serenity project.

Not that impressive (in terms of technicality aspect) but it can be better.

Wish me luck guys! ^_^

Deft-ones.

There's a lot going on lately and please forgive me I'm going to dump a lot of pictures into this post ;p 

Got a chance meeting up up in the sky (literally) on the 69th floor out of 88 of KLCC and gosh, what a sight to behold! O_o

Pity that the meeting just so happen falls in a rainy day so the view is quite dull... :s

After the meeting the host seems delighted to bring us into the first floor of the sky bridge that is usually reserved for the staff only. (For your information there is two floors of sky bridge; second is for tourist and the first is for the staff)

And yes.... after a 3-years wait FINALLY I did get my own DSLR!! Yeah!! xD 

(Gone through a cheapskate kind of lifestyle; eating roti canai on a regular basis, cut down food cost by fishing my own dinner etc etc... Ergh. The memory of the journey put tears into my eyes... T_T)

Bought along a prime lens (50mm f/1.8) and a telephoto (70-300mm f/4-5.6) 

So to 'baptise' my newly bought camera where else can be the perfect moment other than the F1 race itself?

This might be the last F1 race in Sepang (end of contract of some sort with FIA) so me, Icha and Affiq scour around any coins we had left and brace ourself going there no matter what.

Bought the new camera the day before and did invest a hefty sum of my salary in buying that telephoto lens specifically for this event alone... T_T

And here it is, some pic taken from the events~ ^_^

FML moments: My camera's battery depleted just before the race started; thank goodness there's a powerpoint just behide the gates and there it is, me standing like a fool waiting for the battery to be recharged~ (But the bonus is I've been fortunate enough to see hotties 'strip' their way thru the security gates and damn, they're HOT! O_O)

If you wanna see more, go to this link here. 

After the event we frankly just fall flat tired I decided to crash at Icha's house in Klang.

Yes Klang. 

And in the morning when I just getting ready to go back to my own maison THIS happen:

Sodomised Satria.  Dah xsuci dah... T_T

Tweak this tweak that... rabak gaji aku... T_T well that's life.

Don't know whether I have enough mullah for the next plan: Fishing with Mateys at Tasik Bera at the end of the month. Hopefully gaji masuk dah la time tu. Amen.

p.s: Btw, next time if you guys wanna see F1 race do bring extra cash; you have to pay for the cutthroat muddy parking fee and overprice foods. AND I strongly recommend you buy the headphone at the start of the race. Quite reasonably price and trust me, you'll need it thru out the race cuz if not... you come out deaf.

And yes, the girls who sell it are HOT!

Updates: 22 May 2011

2011 Malaysian Grand Prix from Pak9 on Vimeo.
My very 1st attempt shooting with a DSLR and editing with Premiere Pro @.@

600d + Tamron 70-300mm f/4-5.6 + 50mm f/1.8

As you can see I am still a n00b and still got soooo much to learn.