No I'm not gonna blame and whine about being overwhelmed with work (but indeed I am) but instead I think I have to recompose myself both physically and spiritually.
I even skip daily pray lately. Even when I did arrive home from work I can't even allocate some time conversing with my close family and asking them; are they well? Did you need me to buy some barang dapur? How are the cats? (Heck even when Weebit want to manja2 I even shooed her away... T.T)
I did notice that even my way of speaking are not literally well conversed; my speech has become so jittery and not well thought off; I've turn into a very BAD cautionary pessimist rather than me before that is more towards expressionist optimist. Somehow things has been going downhill since early this year.
Relationship broken down (yeah I am single berkuatkuasa at the very date of my birthday this year), shitty quality of work, crappy thought and the most prominent I think is I gain a lot of weight and losing my health bit by bit.
Yes. It is that bad.
What I think I need right now is that I need to allocate myself my own quality time; not a holiday per-se but rather a laid back, relax, enjoying life as it is, read books (there's a bundle of not-yet-read books on my table right now) and hopefully, unplugged myself from the so-called "procrastinator": Facebook and most evil of all–Twitter.
I need to filter myself from all these "useless" gibberish thought and concern from others as somehow those thoughts and opinions from day-to-day musing has swayed me GREATLY. Yeah I know it's their right to voice their thought but I need to protect myself from their opinion from affecting my own prejudice.
But then again, in this time and age, we can't really protect ourself by not being connected at all right? World are changing so fast and if you somehow fall out of the loop you are considered behind the times already.
There is the time that I am in a constant fear that whatever actions, speech and decisions that I've made will make them see me in a bad impression; I've become so cautious and protective with my behavior I've become so reclusive.
Emotionless. Selfish. Judgmental. Empty.
Heck I can't even recognize what's good or bad anymore.
o God. Please, help me. I feels like I'm losing my soul bit by bit and if I don't make a difference right now it might be to late.
Need some radical approach maybe.
And last but not least I want to say sorry to some certain someone that our relationship didn't work out. I always blamed you for not being independent enough, to manja sgt, to this to that bla bla bla but its actually my way of saying that I'm not in my right mind to fully committed to someone. Yet.
I need to sort out myself first and the pain of knowing people are hurting because of me somehow deepen my guilt.
Sorry. I really hope and pray to God that you find some nice guy and be happy with him till the end.
Complete.
At least for now.
Fuh.
P.S: I want to dedicate this song for you. Hope you like it. ^_^
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