24?

Damn. I'm already 24 years old... T_T

Still none of my ambitions didn't yet bear fruit as I'm still in the process of finding my true-self, been through many sacrilege things that I can't describe here, and above all have to repair or subdue silly mistake as everyone unknowingly feeling infirm as in how to repair ourselves and fervently improve to be a better person... being a responsible adult so to speak.

Still got a debt to settle, repairing lost relationship, improving trust and climbing a social ladder to think of...

Realize that:

1. Being an abiding citizen (or try to be perfect) is making my life a bit bored...

2. Life with nothing to do or problem(s) to settle is mundane... O_O

3. Still didn't find what my true soul is... what I want to do or what I want to be...

4. My motivation and passion is not money... but the sincerity and the enjoyment of seeking it is what makes me feel satisfied... Satisfaction is my new life motto so to speak... Hmmm...

5. Last but not least, love is hard... the experiential feeling of it make me realize that I had to savor it fully and not taking it by granted... (Satisfy oneself is kinda hard, what about satisfying another? We'll see...)

Back when I'm in school (12-17 maybe), most of my friends and myself included seems infatuated by politics; who should be in power, Malay superiority (Rights, Inclement, Amendments all kind of misused terms I don't really care), increasing Inflation or Oil prices, and last but not least (again) what should be done and what should not be done... (acting like we know all kind of things but in truth we're not).

Then an epiphany comes... why should I linger in my hopeless dreams dreaming in entering politics and change the world if me, myself didn't change first? What is it that can take me to be responsible and charismatic as many used to say, a recipe to become a good leader?

The answer: Business. Even the Prophet is a businessman before he became the Savior and maybe there's some hidden plan slip through that Allah did want to inspire us to become one, and a brilliant one to be exact.

I know now how to measure myself when under pressure, emotional strain, manage all kind of things (apparently I'm suck) and above all, being a survivor. But still, I still feel that I am lacking something...

I don't have driving force like most successful entrepreneur I used to see and surprisingly, I stop and look back.

What have I been doing all this while? Why are they happy and I don't? Is it because of my lack of money or is it because I'm still don't have cukup mahu?

What is wrong with me?

Which type of guy am I:

Passion

vs

Profession

Been seeing many stellar man and woman, assessing what is their secret to success and I become more annoyed as many of my effort seems to be in failure. Don't give up, many used to say but fervent attempt with no heart is tiring me out.

I don't like to be an analog guy, seen comparable to another as I want to be seen as unique and maybe because I'm a right-brainer, I don't like following orders. Lawless. Hypothetical. Enthusiasm. Expressive kind of guy... (but in a silent and prudent way... heh)

I love failure. It will teach us what we've been doing before is wrong and making us more mature. To be exact, the term failure should be change to winning as the experience of failure is priceless, as many would die committing suicide submitting to their ego that there are right all the time, heartbroken as if the world been lost and there's no hope left, and sadly they blame God for their own demise.

God didn't plan our demise, but he did plan that with the experience, we can be a better person next time as metaphorically speaking, we now know how to avoid the same mistakes and improving as a servant. Hope and love is not lost, its just we usually find it in a wrong place at the wrong time.

I now know what I truly like and what I "acting" that I like. Enough with lying to myself anymore. Fighting for the wrong cause is making my life miserable. Wrong motivation and interest is conflicting within me.

The successful is successful because they love what they are doing, without thinking the rewards they will be having. The unsuccessful is unsuccessful because they do it for money and hopes that it will give them wealth and glory, none in sincerity and passion. Struggling at ends meet that it will not becoming tension. Hahaha.

This is cryptic. Enough with the self-assessment. Most of it is self-thought by the way. Poyo jer. Hahahahaha.

p/s: Will I read this post in a 10 years ahead with a decipher beside me, cuz I think I'll not understand what the current me actually refers too... Please someone save me... I'm becoming more Fine-Art student than be a Graphic citizen... Y_Y

Empire State of Mind... New York=New Year?? Wahahahahhaa