LOST.

I don't know why, for some reason, this last term of mine really stresses me out of my mind.

Uncertainties. Worries. Disoriented. Sleepless night. And above all, depression.

Yes, people do comforting me by saying, "Hg jgn pikiaq sgt. Byk sgt pikiaq xguna gak."
"There is always rainbow after the storm. Time2 nk hbh ni la byk dugaan hg akan dtg. So endure it."
"You're already at the end of your journey. Finish it."
"A brighter future is upon you when you finish your degree. Trust me."

...

But sometimes, I did realize and think about it again and again and again...

Is this what I want? Did I do the right thing? What if I chose the wrong path? Do I want to be what people want me to be; a graduate, with a certificate, boasting around showing people my certificate that I want to "work" with them to earn my living? Gaining reputation? Accumulating wealth; so that I can buy sports car, live in big houses and more importantly, gain respect from people around me - basically all the notion that will make life happier...

And somehow, deep within my heart, I know this notion(s) is kinda misplaced. I know that all this so-called "rat-race" sooner of later will collapsed and something, somehow I'm struggling to get out of that race.

There must be something in life that are more worthwhile than doing all that.

The thought of "What is it that I'm fighting for exactly?" sometimes really do take a toll out of me, and it affecting all things that I've been doing in day to day basis; eating, walking, crapping (O_O) and sometimes this kinda thought did linger in my dreams when I'm asleep, inner-conscious state of a limbo that I indirectly can't control...

Ok. Let's imagine what in store for me.

Graphic Designer? Typographer? (Yes. I do have all of this documentary and have seen it a couple of times already...)



How about venturing into advertising agency? Copywriter? Art Director?



...photographer?



Industrial designer?



...

Well, the limitation doesn't end there.

How about film director? Making documentary maybe? (but I have to accept that documentary will never be neutral...)



Activist? O_o



Comic artist? Manga maybe? (...its been a long time since I've drawn anything btw... T_T)



How about race driver? (I reckon that my driving talent skills and adrenaline pumping can make up to the task wahahaha!! ...but my weight hinders me... T_T)



How about game designer? Concept Artist?



...how about venturing into business then? Entrepreneur?



OR a dirty young radical politician that just whining and complaining in about everything that government do is all wrong... (to much inception conspiracy theory by The X Files and Prison Break perhaps LOL :)))



...

Some of my friends did say que sera sera, what ever will be will be; but sometimes going with the flow is kinda time wasting for me. Life's short; and the bad thing is we don't know when we will die. So I really do hope that before I die I want to something that is worth doing; legacy maybe, but more importantly fighting for something that can make the world a more better place.

Inspired by this speech, I really do hope, seeing that life is a never-ending miracle really motivate me in "connecting the dots" and above all, succeeding spiritually and earthly benefit will make my life all the more worthwhile...



p.s: Well nothing is perfect, but struggling for perfection is what I'm doing now. After all, life is a series of crossing path with one another; sometimes it ends well, some do not.

Be it right or wrong, we're the one who chose what we're gonna do about it. That's the only super-power I think God granted us since before we were born... (do take a look at Adam and Eve story, their choices are not influenced by God's will, not because of Devil's deception either, but rather because of their own choice... Curiosity kills the cat eh?)

So do something about it. =)

Soundtrack for the post :)))