Full of drama, uncertainty, insecure kind of feeling running through.
And somehow trying to adapt changes and embracing it is much harder and the same happen when we just wonder around aimlessly and left-out-of-the-loop situation and somehow it kinda pisses me off.
It is the same feeling like when we are working in a company, that we know has a lot of problems and the boss kept telling us that it is ok; just that we know it is not. To the people who don't like to take risk, they left. To some who still put up hopes, they stayed.
Don't know which one that I choose, but if the boss begged me to stay, trust them as I used to be, well, you know the answer.
Been replaying in my mind some terms coined by someone, "Benefit of The Doubt" and now I'm the one living it.
I sure hope this decision is worth it. If it doesn't, I sure hope this experience teaches me to be more aware.
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas A. Edison
Sure hope that it will never be that much high of a number, because I know my limit; it will make me not trusting anyone anymore and I don't want to be irate and toxic for all the time thats left in my life anyway. Life is short. (Dunia la. Akhirat xkire. Haha)
And it sure does take its toll over my life. My old friend Khalis has mentioned me why is it I've been so sensitive lately. I sure took a good long laugh.
Now start the rambling of an "old" man trying to be philosophical.
I have to be sensitive, high in self-aware and be a critics. I've been trained to do so. I am an art student. We will go sick and walk and talk like mindless zombies if our expression and our inner-self blocked by uncertainty; and it does sure surprise others if we do crazy things; and we sure as hell like to do crazy things. Heh.
We are defined by our actions, talks, writings, paintings, whatever medium we can expressed ourselves into. It doesn't matter. We don't do it for money. We do it for pleasure. Satisfaction. Luxury in our own terms. And we sure as hell don't like others to interfere in our affairs.
We do hope the world will be a better place without Anwar and Saiful. We sure hope politics doesn't play the big role in our life; and I believe this word to be so true and rise above all else:
"Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." - John F. Kennedy.
We do hope our views of the world can change the world, even the slightest that we inspired and expressed "medium"; if it does convey message and do positive a.k.a. good to the others, the satisfaction of it is unbearable.
We don't like money. We believe it as the source of evil. But we do embrace it if it want to become our slaves that do our "bidding".
We sure as hell like to make everyone confused. It is our nature. We do talk cryptically and you need a linguist to decipher our language.
We like to read other's thoughts, and we don't mind letting others read ours.
We do like the chronology of a story. We don't like things to end. We love the pleasure of studying it and in every passing hours; be it hurt by being too plausible or by being to good to be true; we just don't care.
Its the journey that matters.
Adios.
p/s: Yet, it does hurts when dealing with rejection and uncertainty. Time will heal the wounds. Just that we will hurt others in forgetting it. Its how nature works right? False hope and trust sure help us become a better person. Better in giving people happiness OR hurting them. Choose one. Ngeh. ^_^
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