Just started my own business with Safwan; combined with the work over at thinklab© and freelance jobs I've been super busy for this last couple of month.
This year has somehow broaden my perspective about how I view my life as now I feel more responsible in my own being; I am not financially stable yet, I am not in any way move into any kind of relationship (yet) and above all, I am still not in any way fit. Yet.
It's hard to stay optimistic as all effort did not come to fruition. Still. Well, for a freakin 2 month what do you expect?
But I am happy. To a sense that I ask myself countless times, "Am I in any illusions of some sorts? Or am I being in a place that is too good to be true? Is this the reality or what?"
Temptations do exist. I've get my share of calls that offer me place to work and promised handsome "rewards". Quite a handful of them actually and I'm beginning to doubt that am I that good?
But no. I stay on. I promised myself not to get myself into the ratrace anymore.
Now I have the power to change my own fate. Now I have the power to be my own boss. Now I have the power to be the change that I desire.
Yes challenges do linger. And the most toughest of them all is the one that is within me; doubts and uncertainties do strike me hard as surrounded by all these powerful people do make me cower in inferiorities.
I've still got a lot to catch up. Expedient as it may be, that being with all these people I just realize that I'm not that great at all. Too many weaknesses. Too weak.
Somehow the vibe that I'm projecting doesn't feel aligned with the emotion that I envisage. Something is missing and I'm not quite sure what is it actually that I'm missing.
There is something behind my back that kinda hold me down and obstruct me from doing my best. It's not that I live in fear its just that somehow I feel not "complete" in a matter of sense.
“You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.
As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
I'm not going to quote who said that (as I think people can just Google it anyway) but it does lighten up hearts a bit. Knowing that this journey itself is for everyone to go through and savor is a bit... enlightening.
Push on. Don't settle. This has been my greatest endeavor in life so far.
With no one to support me (quite a contrary, I have to support my family) and the burden it comes at times did stole my sleep. (And I cried. Seriously.)
But then, what the hell. I've never struggled this much ever in life so might as well be done with it.
Complete.
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